Ex-husband scolds the mother of his 3 children for not getting a Christmas present for the 4-year-old daughter that resulted from his affair: 'He took out this dollar store doll and he told me that was all he could afford for his daughter'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 23, 2024 4:00 PM EST

A sad reality of the holiday season is that not every child will be visited by Santa equally. Some kids receive Dudley Dursley-esque quantities of presents, all of which have a fat price tag attached. Other kids will be lucky if they get socks and a cheap toy from the dollar store on the 25th. This reality does not reflect the child's virtues but solely represents the ability of the parent to provide for them financially outside of the bare minimum needs. A parent might be able to keep a kid safe with a roof over their head but can't provide anything extra beyond that, like dance lessons and additional toys. That's why charities that provide Christmas gifts for kids living in poverty exist and do great things for kids who otherwise would get very little. It's one thing to give gifts to an anonymous child in need, but what if that child is the result of an affair your husband had? The mom in this story had to answer that difficult question.

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    Cheezburger Image 10446223360
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for not getting my ex's affair child a Christmas gift?
    via u/NovelDot112
  • 03
    My ex cheated on me and fathered a child with another woman. That child is now 4f. He has full custody of her and is going for child support but the mom isn't paying. I have primary custody of our three children (11m, 9f, 9m). He gets our kids
    via u/NovelDot112
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    every other weekend. I have only seen this child 5 times and I don't have a relationship of any kind with her. I never interacted with her and while I know she's innocent of what my ex did, I prefer to keep us distant.
    via u/NovelDot112
  • 05
    My kids don't think of her as a sister. I never tried to change that. For me them being close to her is not something I care about. If they are then they are and I'd have to deal. But if not then I don't feel the need to encourage or promote it. My ex knows this.
    via u/NovelDot112
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    And he knows our kids don't care for his daughter. They don't have the best relationship with him. either. He's not absent exactly but he's been all over the place since the divorce and he works a lot of long hours and lives almost two hours from us which is partly why he's not a 50-50 dad.
    via u/NovelDot112
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    My ex lost his job in January of this year. He notified the courts and his child support payment was reduced for our kids while he's not earning as much. The change in job and pay has meant he struggled far more and the
    via u/NovelDot112
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    kids have noticed the difference in quality of life when they're with him. He also warned them months ago that they would get a small Christmas gift each from him because he cannot afford more.
    via u/NovelDot112
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    This leads onto his daughter. His parents died some years before our kids were born, his sister doesn't talk to him, his brother stopped talking to him after the affair and the child's mother's family is not involved in her life either. So it's just him for her and he can't afford to get her much.
    via u/NovelDot112
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    He mentioned this in our co- parenting app and when we went to meet with our twins' teacher he asked if I would get her something or somethings so she can have some presents to open for Christmas. I told him no.
    via u/NovelDot112
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    He didn't ask me again until yesterday. He had the kids at the weekend and dropped them off at my house afterward. He saw the gifts under the tree and he was angry at me. He asked if I got his daughter anything and I said no. He asked me what our kids got and I wouldn't tell him. I reminded him it was none of his business what I buy. Then he took out this dollar store doll and he told me that was all he could afford for his daughter and she's just four years old. He
    via u/NovelDot112
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    told me he knows he f ed up but she didn't and he told me I could have helped, just a little, or could have helped the kids get close to her and maybe they would have wanted to give her something. He said instead I was just a cruel and selfish b to an innocent child and he said she only knows being abandoned by her mom and her mom's family, she's unwanted by her own siblings and her siblings mom can't even be compassionate enough to get her one more thing so she doesn't just get one tiny doll fo
    via u/NovelDot112
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    put it on me that if he got our kids nothing because he knew I'd get them something, and spent that money on his daughter instead, that it would make them pull away from him more. He left angry and I went back inside and carried on as normal.
    via u/NovelDot112
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    I know I'm not a saint for this and I don't pretend to be. But AITA for not getting the child something for Christmas when I know my ex can't afford anything else?
    via u/NovelDot112
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    kukonimz here is your ex. The audacity to The only selfish b get mad at you is just beyond. NTA. Tell him next time he wants to curse at you for not doing his job for him, to do so on the parenting app so you'll have it documented. The biggest plus of being divorced is that you don't have to subject yourself to his cruelly and selfishness.
    via u/kukonimz
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    enonymousCanadian • 3h ago It was his responsibility to reach out to charities in the area who help children living in poverty during the Christmas period.
    via u/enonymousCanadian
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    LissaBryan The biggest indicator of how awful this guy is was this line: He saw the gifts under the tree and he was angry at me. He saw gifts under the tree for his children and was angry about it. It's all the proof you need that this isn't about the kids. It's about his
    via u/LissaBryan
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    that this isn't about the kids. It's about his butthurt pride that he's not seen as a Provider. If he actually cared about the girl getting presents, he'd move heaven and earth to make it happen. Instead, it's much easier to blame OP and make it out like she's taking something away from the girl by giving her own children gifts.
    via u/LissaBryan

  • It's not like a 4-year-old will really be able to tell that they're getting less nice gifts than her half-siblings. His getting angry about the kinds of presents she's getting is the only way she could tell that. 

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    Tikithecockateil The cheater could have found even a temporary job if he needed money for gifts. To pin his kids lack of gifts on you is childish and petty. Nta
    via u/Tikithecockateil
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    merouch This is something I'll never understand. I've been out of work and needed something quick to pay the bills and got a job in fast food until I got something in my industry again. Beggars can't be choosers and all that
    via u/merouch
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    gumballbubbles I wouldn't get her anything. It's not your responsibility. Your ex can contact Toys for Tots or another nonprofit and ask for something or go on Marketplace or shop at thrift stores. He should have thought of the consequences when he dipped his stick elsewhere. Did he get his 3 other kids anything? No. He should make any effort. He's not entitled.
    via u/gumballbubbles
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    NovelDot112 OP It's the way he fell back on me instead of reaching out to his siblings. Or trying to get the actual mom's family involved.
    via u/NovelDot112
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    Personal_Regular_569 • 4h ago • It's the way he's trying to ab e you into doing. what he wants, so he doesn't need to feel the consequences of his poor life choices. Keep your chin up. I'm sorry he's trying to make his failures into your problem. The little girl deserves better but she doesn't deserve it from you.
    via u/Personal_Regular_569
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    Buttered_Crumpet09 It's because it's easier for him to blame you than to blame himself. HE cheated and ended your marriage. The woman the HE destroyed his marriage for left, so the damage he did was for nothing. HE lost his job. HE is in this mess because of his own choices, but rather than accept that, he wants to blame you.
    via u/Buttered_Crumpet09
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    If you'd divorced amicably, maybe you might have bought a kid of his born after the split something, but the circumstances HE created made that impossible. Does it sk for his daughter? Yes. Is that your fault? Absolutely not. He lost his job in January, which means he had 10-11 months to figure out how to handle Christmas, even if that meant signing up for a charity or church giveaway. He didn't do that because it's easier and preferable for you to fix his mess for him, and he's angry that you w
    via u/Buttered_Crumpet09
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    You're NTA. The minute you open the door by giving him anything, he'll be asking for more and more. ETA: I didn't realise he'd lost his job in January rather than months ago until a commenter below pointed it out, which only makes it worse. He could have taken any job going to make sure he could provide for his daughter, but now he's putting the burden on OP.
    via u/Buttered_Crumpet09
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    smurfette_9 Being that the child is only 4 and all grandparents are out of the picture as well as her mom, he'd probably have to figure out childcare if he was working the temporary job that probably has weird hours. I don't feel for him but I do feel for the innocent child.
    via u/smurfette_9

  • I agree with this comment. It's a lot more difficult to find childcare when a kid is under 5, especially when you're working the odd hours that food service and retail bring. Those aren't jobs you can bring your 4-year-old along to. I'm not making excuses for him, but most people who work odd jobs to get by have at least one family member to help them out.

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    Technical-Habit-5114 NTA. He is the one who destroyed his family because HE couldn't keep it in his pants. He created this situation. The child is innocent in this. But she is 4 years old. She doesn't really have a concept of NOT receiving. He got her something. She will be happy with it.
    via u/Technical-Habit-5114
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    When my daughter was 4, I was a single Mom. Christmas, for several years, was hand me down toys. Goodwill and thrift shop items. He just wants a bail out. He created this. He needs to fix this.
    via u/Technical-Habit-5114
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    perpetuallyxhausted This is a good point. I wonder if he actually tried any OP shops or second hand places. H I, he could even have some luck on FB marketplace. Or do we think he jumped straight to guiltiling his ex for having the audacity to not want anything to do with him after he blew up her and her 3 kids lives? My heart breaks for that little girl a bit, but it's still not on OP to fix this.
    via u/perpetuallyxhausted
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    michelikescheese And if OP caves, he'll try to shift more responsibility for this child off on her. What a piece of work.
    via u/michelikescheese

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single dad christmas family drama gifts presents kids mother bad parenting gift christmas presents parenting little kids family ex husband mom Parenting FAILS
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